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So you’re a single bridesmaid at your friend’s wedding — no need to panic about being dateless yet! Here, we share five tips for turning HER big day into a great opportunity to find your own love match.
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By Jennifer Armstrong
 eing the bridesmaid and not the bride can conjure up the worst kind of pre-wedding anxiety — and we’re not just talking about a paralyzing fear of dresses in Easter-egg pastel colors with sweetheart necklines. We’re talking about the sudden desperation to find a wedding date that proves to everyone that you’re not going to die alone if |  | | You often end up in silly outfits at bars making fools of yourselves. |
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you’re currently single. Heck, entire movies have been built around this premise, like The Wedding Date and My Best Friend’s Wedding. But before you grab the nearest eligible male or gay friend, why not see the wedding for what it is: a buffet of ways to meet someone special. Dancing, mingling, toasting and celebrating with a room full of new people who love the same happy couple that you do… what more could you ask for?
We checked in with some wedding and relationship experts to find out how to make the most of your bridesmaid time with regards to finding a date — and without shirking your sworn nuptial-day duties. Here are five suggestions:
Tip #1: Maximize the pre-wedding social activities to scout for potential dates
Bachelorette parties and rehearsal dinners are your best bets when it comes to turning routine bridesmaid activities into vehicles for checking out potential dating prospects. They’re your chance to scope out eligible men at a time when you have fewer responsibilities and distractions than during the big day itself. To wit: If you have to be stuck — ahem, if you have the heart-warming privilege of — organizing the bachelorette party, why not plan the excursion to your own advantage? Go to a popular, co-ed bar or nightclub instead of a male strip joint or a gay bar. If you’re playing “truth or dare,” make the dares more flirt-friendly; “get a guy’s phone number” or “buy someone a drink,” for instance. “You often end up in silly outfits at bars making fools of yourselves,” notes Amy Spencer, author of Meeting Your Half-Orange: An Utterly Upbeat Guide to Using Dating Optimism to Find Your Perfect Match. “If you’re a bridesmaid and want to take advantage of this, maybe instead of the penis-shaped stuff, wear feather boas instead; they always make you look cuter.” The rehearsal dinner offers its own bevy of advantages, too: mainly, a sneak preview of the key wedding guests. “Maybe you can meet a guy there, and that turns into saving one of the slow dances for each other at the wedding reception,” suggests Anja Winikka, an editor at TheKnot.com .
Tip #2: Think positively and use the extra attention to your advantage
Realize that although the wedding day isn’t totally about you, as a bridesmaid, there is at least a piece of the nuptial spotlight that’s automatically yours. Pretend you’ve never heard any clichés involving the words “always” and “a bridesmaid” and instead, revel in the knowledge that you’ve likely got great hair and makeup going on, you’ve got an aisle to catwalk down, and single guys’ eyes will be on you. After all, if they’re looking for eligible ladies, what good would it do them to be looking at the bride? You should be radiating the best possible energy that day — not wallowing in the fact that your friend is getting married instead of you. “Think of yourself as the ‘best supporting actress’ of their wedding day,” Spencer says. “This is actually a great thing, and you can take advantage of that positive mindset to meet new people.”
Tip #3: Break out of your shell and present the best version of yourself
You can even go so far as to cast yourself in a whole new “role” in your own mind — you’re one of the stars of this | | | You’re almost in a kind of costume and playing a character that day. | |
show, you’re in charge here, so why not be the belle of the ball? You’ve got built-in excuses to free yourself from your natural wallflower tendencies and talk to every stranger you meet at the ceremony, bar, or dinner table that catches your eye. “You’re almost in a kind of costume and playing a character that day,” Spencer says. “Be the happy version of yourself, the bold version of yourself. Make moves; ask people to get you a glass of punch.”
Tip #4: Use the day’s built-in opportunities to chat someone up
Yes, “How do you know the bride/groom?” is the wedding party equivalent of, “Come here often?” But, somehow, it feels much less cheesy — and it can lead to some genuinely interesting conversations. “When you’re a bridesmaid, there are always built-in conversation starters available to you,” Spencer says. “At a wedding, oh my God, you have the easiest opening lines!” Adds Winikka: “Your duties lie in being a social butterfly. Your job is to make sure everyone’s comfortable. You’re talking to the guests anyway; maybe there’s a single guy sitting at table 10 and you can direct him to the buffet table.”
Tip #5: Keep your dating aspirations in perspective
After everything we’ve discussed here, you have to remember that you are still, first and foremost, a bridesmaid — which means that your primary obligation is to your friend who’s chosen you to be part of her support system on her most momentous, stressful day of her life. “If the drunken uncle makes a scene, as a bridesmaid, it’s up to you to get up and calm him down,” Winikka says. So, don’t add to the chaos by making out in the corner with a groomsman or changing into a sexier dress for the reception — no matter how hideous your bridesmaid outfit might be. “You have to have your head on your shoulders,” Winikka says. “At the end of the day, you have to stick to your role as a bridesmaid first.” And don’t worry — that whole busy-and-important vibe you’ll be broadcasting will surely make that mysterious guest you’ve got your eye on want to get to know you that much more. (Yes, even if you’re wearing a giant purple taffeta dress with shoes dyed to match!)
Tune in next week for the other side of this story, 5 Tips For Single Groomsmen.
Jennifer Armstrong is a New York-based writer, author, and co-founder of feminist online blog, SexyFeminist.com.
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How would you feel about your date using a Groupon (or some other discount deal) to pay for your date? |
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14% |
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Mortified that the other person seems so cheap |
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35% |
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I really don’t care one way or the other |
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52% |
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Totally support it… after all, dating is expensive! |
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